Conservapedia: Saving the Bible from itself!

I have to thank my dear friend Cathie for throwing this story my way, though I would have eventually found it on Salon, anyway. Seems the folks at Conservapedia ("No other encyclopedic resource on the internet is free of corruption by liberal untruths.") have engaged in an epic undertaking to re-translate the Bible, free from the liberal biases of King James, a century of scribes, the Gospel writers themselves, and . . . you know . . . Jesus.

They list 10 guidelines necessary for a faithful, conservative translation of God's Word:

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop; defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots"; using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

Also, they forgot the mistranslation in Revelation, in which past scholars have used the word "antichrist," where clearly "Barack Obama" was intended. I guess they'll save that for the New Revised Conservapedia Bible.