Ticking

(This post is dedicated to Erin & Tiina, who apparently read my blog.)

I awoke at 5:30 am to pee. This isn't uncommon. I have a small bladder. Usually, however, I fall back asleep with ease afterward, but not tonight. As I a lay awake in bed I hear the incessant metallic ticking of my ceiling fan, no doubt reminding me that I shoot in just 7 days and still have no 2nd ACs for my two-camera set-ups. Tick tick ticking away.

I haven't blogged much about "Melissa With A Heart Around It." I'm not really much of a blogger, anyway -- I just sorta jump on and jot down random things as they hit me -- but it would seem appropriate to stop and type a few words about the last film I'll ever direct in film school.

I'm both excited about and terrified by this movie. It is so huge, and as I prepare for it, I am constantly reminded that I have never made a film with more than one scene, more than two actors. How the hell do you cover four actors without crossing the fucking line, I ask you? How the hell do you do it?

I'm working with a phenomenal cast. Kristen Youmans, the actress playing Jamie, is fairly inexperienced but the most astonishing natural I've ever had the pleasure to observe. She is going to blow everyone away, and because of her, I feel this tremendous responsibility to do this right. This is her "big break" so to speak. It is a film that has the power to get her noticed, as long as I don't fuck it up.

And am I really that worried about fucking it up? No, not really. Despite the rumors, I'm actually fairly confident in myself. No, I'm afraid of weather fucking it up. Of old/new film stock fucking it up. Of time.

My shot list scares the hell out of me. Not because it is difficult in a vacuum. In a vacuum, it is basic. Unfortunately, they stopped making movies in a vacuum years ago. I have roughly 20 setups to do in 8 hours at one location. That's about one new setup every 24 minutes. And they're all necessary shots, not mere coverage for coverage sake.

I love the idea of my actors and crew reading this and all losing their confidence in me. "Oh, my god, he's freaking out. He's lost it. What are we going to do?" No, I'm not freaking out. This is me before every movie, but when it's time to go, it is time to go. I've been involved in scarier shit than this, I suppose. The movie will get made. It will be amazing.

But there's still a matter of that ticking.